One of Korean school kids’ favourite games is 똥침, or “ddong ch’im,” which translates roughly as “shit needle.” It’s not complicated; all you do is run around with your two index fingers in the steeple position, find vulnerable anuses and jam your “needle” up them as hard as you can. (Find a digital version of the game—a kind of excremental Asteroids—here. ) For the foreign receiver, this is rarely funny or enjoyable in any way. However, the activity is indicative of a much larger national relationship with turds.

In the West, we have plenty of juvenile toilet humour, but when it boils right down to it, there’s not much we like less than shit. We think shit is gross. We equate it with moral filth, degeneracy, everything in society that we would like to flush into the sewer along with our deuce bombs. As Erik D’Amato points out in his “Mystery of Disgust,” “in most cultures the same word used to describe feces and decay [‘disgusting’] is also applied to morally-dubious acts.”

In Korea, however, shit is cute. It has somehow been adopted as a kind of cartoon mascot, a harmless and even adorable little character that takes the form of a coiled, anthropomorphized pile of poop. You’ll find this little guy on stickers, notebooks and other school supplies, and even used on signage for restaurants; currently, by my count, there are at least three “Ddong” bars in Shi-cheong, the student pub area of Jeju City, each of which is adorned with a glowing pile of shit to draw carousers in for a few shitty beers.

In Seoul, there is even a pair of public sculptures of the peaked forms done in colourful mosaic. The forthright appreciation for crap goes even further in Jeju, where indigenous black pig, traditionally raised in pens that doubled as toilets for Jeju villagers and therefore fattened on the droppings left therein, is among the most coveted and expensive meats used for Korean barbeque. This is not only undisguised—it is advertised in the very name of the animal: “ddong dwaeji,” literally, “shit pig.”

The Korean fondness for feces probably has roots in Confucianism, wherein the individual is always part of a larger group, thereby rendering Western notions of privacy moot. This ideological base also dictates that standards of shame are based more on concepts of social dishonor than fear of the body. It could also have to do with the much more direct relationship Koreans have with the sources of their food—there is no equivalent in Korean for the English words “beef” and “pork”; here, you order “so gogi” or “dwaeji gogi,” “cow meat” or “pig meat,” and the animals that provide the meat appear alongside the little turd as cartoon ambassadors for the restaurants in which they are served as dinner. Maybe recognizing the stuff you are eating makes it easier to face the stuff you are excreting, which is, after all, the same shit in a different form.

Whatever the explanation, the discrepancy between our fear of shit and Koreans’ tendency to want to cuddle it points to the same difference in perspective that I mentioned oh, about six million words ago in the introduction. What is important when looking at these differences, be they to do with food or shit, is not to fall into the trap of grafting our moral judgments about things we deem “disgusting” onto cultures that haven’t absorbed our inherited cultural attitudes. As D’Amato points out, “by relishing something we consider gross, an otherwise well-regarded culture can be instantly relegated to barbarian status.” The fear factor is a big one in forming our opinions of people from other places. The empathy of taste—trying to wrap your head around enjoying those fried toad balls, rather than just eating them on a dare—is something we all need a little more of when developing our global palates.

(via Walrus Magazine)

Here’s our favorite article written by Tina Chadha of the NY/Boston Metro.

Nguyen demonstrates Stuff Asians Like No. 35: “Peace Signs.”

Humor blogs probe racial stereotypes on the Web

TREND. Have you heard that Indian guys love posing for pictures with bottles of alcohol? That Asians perpetually cut in line or that Latinos enjoy flashing their flag at every opportunity possible? You would if you read any of the growing number of blogs created to laugh at the idiosyncrasies of a particular race. These sites — lovingly written by members of the race being lampooned — are spin-offs of the highly popular blog Stuff White People Like, which makes a numerical list dissecting all things liberal, white, middle-class Americans find cool — including No. 27: Marathons, No. 50: Irony and No. 64: Recycling. After only three months, SWPL has garnered 14 million hits, a high-priced book deal for its creator, Christian Lander, and many copycats.

Such as Stuff Asian People Like [ http://www.asian-central.com/stuffasianpeoplelike/], the first in said genre (yes, Peter Nguyen, the blog’s creator, checked the origination dates of all the other similar blogs). “We’ve crashed two Go Daddy [.com] servers already,” says Nguyen. SAL started with 600 hits and in March had over 33,000 unique visitors.
“At first, I kind of freaked out. I didn’t think it would be this popular,” says Charlee Renaud, a 26-year-old lawyer in Louisiana, about her blog Stuff Educated Black People Like [ http://stuffebplike.com/].

“It’s a way to make fun of myself and my friends, ’cause we all do these things,” says Renaud, who came up with post No. 3: Baked Chicken, because her boyfriend ate it at least three times a week, and No. 16: Moving to Atlanta, since everyone in her law school swore they would. “A lot of friends would say, ‘Ah, well, I can’t get a job here in Louisiana; I’m just going to pack up and move to Atlanta, ’cause everybody black is there.’ Which so isn’t true,” Renaud laughs.

Both Nguyen and Renaud say 95 percent of the feedback they get is positive. “A lot of people say, ‘Hey, I do this stuff as well,’” says Renaud. Only a few commentors call them racists.

“I wish there was something I could say to people who don’t get the joke. But I spent four years in grad school, so I’m familiar with people who are humorless,” says Lander, who is flattered by the imitations.

Like Lander’s book deal, Nguyen and Renaud are trying to capitalize on the momentum. Nguyen views his site as a way to unify Asians and get them to discuss less-talked about issues. He has started Asia Central, featuring blogs, videos and news. Renaud is launching a Stuff Educated Black People Like T-shirt line.

Be it observations on the bus, behavior habits of friends or comments from readers, both keep a running list of material and have no plans of slowing down. “We have enough topics for the next five years,” Nguyen says.

Tina CHADHA, Metro, 4/2/08, Original Article, http://www.metro.us

To see a full list, try our Press page
http://www.asian-central.com/news/press/

“Ah-Ya!” (啊呀), which is literally the combination of two exclamatory particles in Chinese (”ah” and “ya”), is that very phrase. The reason that such a word can be so expressive is the many manifestations it can take. This is because, if you haven’t already guessed, the Chinese language, and many other asian languages for that matter, are comprised of one-syllable words put together to form different meanings. The trick is adding the correct tones to these word particles. In the case of “Ah-Ya,” one of four Chinese intonations are added to stress certain things.

The most common “ah-ya” is generally heard at the end of an Asian sentence to express frustration, trouble, or empathy. This involves the 4th tone, which is the highest and sharpest tone in Chinese. This also means that it requires quite a bit of energy and strength to pronounce. That is why it is almost universally used in arguments to add a much needed final punctuation mark, much like the Incredible Hulk might execute a “final smash” to vanquish his enemies.

An example of this might be:
“Report Card: 5 A, 1 B? Always a B in Math. Ah-ya!!!”

Many Asians (including myself) can remember this type of criticism in their younger days. The spitting. The hitting. The unnecessary accusations. I speak for all Asians when I say, “We hated it!” Now, however, I have come to realize that it was a way to pass on a trait so important to Asian survival that just the thought of its demise could destroy asian society as a we know it. By criticizing just about anything (and everything) that comes their way, Asian parents create higher expectations than people expect. This greatly adds to the ability of Asians to rise against adversity and become better citizens in the process.

Enough with the flashback…

When using different intonation, “ah-ya” can greatly dramatize a situation. “Ahhh-yahhhh, my foot is caught in the door…” or “With my final breath… Ah ya… I leave you my plastic wrapped furniture.” In other cases, it is a phrase inspired by awe: “Your son got accepted to Har-bard? Aiiiyaa!!!” It could even denote shock: “What!? Sriracha sauce on Pizza? Ah ya!”

Here’s what the Chinese Women’s Association of San Diego has to say:
Aiya is an all-purpose phrase that comes from deep in the soul. Aiya is both simple and complex: on one hand it is a couple of Chinese characters, on the other hand it can be a whole speech describing the state you are in. Aiya says, “I’m afraid”, “I’m in pain”, “I don’t believe it. ” It is an exclamation of exuberance, a shout of hurt, a cry of fear, and the reflex of being startled, and the embrace of joy. ” - Chinese Women’s Association of San Diego.

With all that said, the next time you hear a Chinese couple screaming “ah-ya!” at one another, take a step back to ponder its contextual use. It could be to argue about a frivolous game of Mah Jong. It might be to praise a son or daughter for their academic achievement in life. It might even mean that they’re on the verge of internal combustion in some cases. Whatever the case, the Chinese have ingeniously designated an expression that can be used in just about any occasion to mean just about anything. Talk about Asian ingenuity.

Peace Out… Ah ya!

Note: Refrain from using this expression if what precedes it is not in Chinese, or you may be shunned by the Asians around you. Just Kidding. You’ll probably get a good laugh out of your friends if you do it like “uncle” from Jackie Chan Adventures.

Sources:
http://sleepyblueocean.blogspot.com…screaming-whining-or.html
http://members.cox.net/jungwon/aiya.htm

Stuff Asian People Like is still live and well. I haven’t gone anywhere.

Sincerely Yours,
Peter Nguyen.

Asians love plastic (see hoarding article). This love of plastic doesn’t just end in the produce aisle of an Asian Supermarket. It spans decades and generations of Asians that have had to live as frugally as possible in order to maintain their wealth. With that said, Asians wrap their furniture due to…

Hospitality: What’s practical about wrapping your furniture and not ever getting to experience that soft velvety satin brushing against that layer of clothing you have indirectly touching your bare bottom? Or the smell of fresh furniture in the morning. Or maybe.. well.. you get the point. The main reason Asians wrap their furniture is to share those feelings with their friends, family, and other loved ones. Asians never pass up having company over, and will save only the best for them. In fact, you’ll never see wrapped furniture in an Asian household if you’re invited. You can, however, stop by an Asian friend’s house in the wee hours of the night (around 4AM) to see their furniture in its truest form.

Asians also use “company” this time as an opportunity to ostentatiously flaunt that 55 inch plasma television or gaming system. They wouldn’t have all those possessions without a little…

Frugality: When Asians purchase their furniture, they are looking for a long term investment. They are also analyzing all the opportunity costs: hours spent by friends on couch, projected monthly dirt buildup, hours spent cleaning couch, and last but not least, resale value. Now we know that asians love having company over and saving only the best for these sparse occurrences. This doesn’t mean that asians can’t ever stop to ask, “How much can I get for this couch after it’s worn out?” Unfortunately, wrapping their furniture prevents this from occurring, which is something they realize only once they are old enough to have grandchildren. (or great grandchildren)

Posterity: Once asians realize that they can’t sell their pristine furniture, they market it to their children as antique heirlooms. “My mother got this from her mother, who got it from her mother, who won it in a game of Mah Jong.” Their children will in turn spend a great deal of time and effort preserving the furniture only until it in fact becomes a priceless piece of family history. We still haven’t gotten to the practical reasons for plastic furniture covers.

The most obvious reason for having them is keeping furniture clean. Enough Said. Some asians take it to a whole new level though. They will wrap their china, handphones, remotes, computers, and televisions to keep the dirt off. These asians have most likely survived harsh times like the Great Depression (or the onslaught of communism in their countries). The next time you see an Asian that has wrapped their furniture or other items, ask them about their lives. Where they came from, how their childhoods were. What they did for a living. If they comply, chances are that you will receive similar responses about economic hardships and difficulty providing for their families.

We can’t forget your reader responses: “We’ll take the plastic off when someone important visits.” says Anonymous. “The families I’ve known who were into plastics were working poor” says another. “Use it up, wear it out. Make it do –Or do without.” That’s how Asians view life. It’s very complex and full of “saving face” and impressing others. First impressions are very important. Asians must continue to wrap their furniture so that they can be hospitable, frugal, and charitable to their posterity in the future.

But let’s not lose focus. Sometimes life isn’t just plastic-wrapped furniture:
“One of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen was the small apartment of an Asian woman in Boston who had everything covered in plastic and lots of china figurines and gleaming things made of brass, everything spic and span and in absolutely pristine shape. I think she was going for the Dynasty look. The woman worked three jobs, at least one at a hospital, to maintain this home and raise her two sons - one of whom had gotten in with a bad element at school and had just killed someone. Even through her shock and pain and the utter destruction of her life, she was gracious to the stranger who showed up to ask her questions. And I thought about how hard she worked to make everything perfect, and how you can’t put plastic on the world.” -CunningLinguist

Seeing my father work so hard has made me realize something: We are so fortunate to be living in such a prosperous and open-minded country. This Father’s Day: After you read this post, take a look back at your life and how much more well off you are than an Asian (or any other person) in a third world country. They would die to be in your position, literally.

This is Peter Nguyen, posting live from his computer desk. We’ll be back tomorrow at 5.

“It adds a necessary zest and hotness to food without the vinegar aftertaste of tobasco sauce,” says one of our readers.

“It’s tangy and spicy. It’s got kick to it! I started getting so attached to this as a kid living. When my parents took us out for Pho- vietnamese noodles. I fell inlove with Siracha!! My soup bowl of noodles would have christmas colors red broth and floating green cilantro and green onions.” -tribe.net member

Now that you’ve heard what some people are saying, here’s the SAPL smackdown: Sriracha is loved by asians because it is in fact an Asian Product (of Thailand), it is multipurpose in uses, and it’s a libido booster. It also embodies the Chinese Zodiac’s very own Rooster, which is known for having various distinct traits.

Many don’t know the origins of the Sriracha Sauce because it has been so commercialized that the sauce we now use isn’t even the original thai product. (The Huy Fong Foods product has sodium bisulfate as a preservative. It is also chunkier, giving it the consistency of ketchup.) Nevertheless, it is still an Asian Product…

A very versatile Asian product indeed:

“Quite possibly one of the greatest inventions in the universe. I use this on so many things, it’s ridiculous. Anyone else use it to spice up spaghetti sauce? YUM!!! ” says Delilah.

It’s used on Scrambled Eggs, Salad Dressing, Pad Thai, Steak Sauce, Corn on a Cob, Pizza, Buffalo Wings, and even Pop Corn. In a pinch, it could even work as mace, as many asian women carry a bottle of Sriracha with them just in case an occasion arises. Talk about being prepared.

Sriracha Sauce is also partly responsible for the high population level in Asia. Mentioned in a previous post, spicy foods are libido boosters because they cause blood vessels to dilate which allows better circulation of blood. Every Asian (heck every man) knows the importance of being able to get blood to certain areas of their bodies as quickly as possible (no, not the brain). Are you still wondering why Asians comprise 60% of the world population with 3.8 Billion People (20% of which are solely in China and India)?

And people everywhere know the distinct Rooster Branding that goes with Sriracha Sauce as well. The Rooster symbol has become synonymous with tangy and zesty-ness (if that’s a word). Thousands of years before, however, Asians developed a Zodiac system which gave identity to the Rooster. According to Wikipedia, “the Rooster is very observant, brave, and resilient. Roosters are happiest when they are surrounded by others, at a party or just a social gathering. They are also constantly seeking attention.”

A bottle of Sriracha is bright red (quite easy to notice), watches keenly over every bowl of Pho or food it is complimenting, and is always surrounded by people. I guess the Si-Rache inhabitants were very meticulous in choosing an animal that would represent their product the best.

Now that this inconspicuous red bottle has been dissected down to a science, there is still a matter of finding out where to purchase it. Sriracha (Sree-Raw-Chaw), due to high commercialization, can be found at your local grocery stores. More recently, it’s been showing itself at larger stores like Costco and Sam’s Club. If you’re ever in doubt though, there’s always an Asian Supermarket waiting for you down the street. Heck, use it as an opportunity to practice your Chinese, talk about your childrens’ college aspirations, get a pedicure (save for later post), and purchase some fresh produce all at the same time.

Asians love Sriracha Sauce because it takes the ordinary and makes it extraordinary. It gives Michael Jackson back his original facial structure. It gives asians an incentive to procreate. It reminds Asians of the Rooster’s zodiac characteristics. That’s the beauty of Asia. You always get more than you ask for. Sriracha Sauce embodies all that is good in Asian Cuisine– offering an added zest to food that was mediocre at best. (yes, I rhymed). Good night.

And yes, Asians aren’t the only people that love it!

Asians-Techno… Techno-Asians… They both sound the same to many. However, this Detroit invention, rather, innovation, wasn’t as popular in Asia until the late 1980s to 1990, when globalization of American culture became rampant. This was a time that the French could watch Michael Jordan and his Bulls… A time when Michael Jackson and Queen became cultural and global phenomenons… A time when music became not only a means of escaping from the noisy city sounds, but a way to escape from the world as a whole. While Techno may not have been an Asian invention, Asians have definitely taken it to new heights.

How have asians run away with the EDM (or electronic dance movement)? Let’s review some of SAPL’s predefined asian norms: High computer IQ and tech savvy, great musical sense, low dancing ability, and a ravenous appetite to make bank. Due to an Asian’s ability to easily grasp computers and technology, they have accepted techno, which is for the most part computer generated, as an integral part of their lives. This is due in part to the price for technology (manufactured by Asian countries) like the Roland TR-808, which has become inexpensive and easily accessible in the last 20 years (for obvious reasons).

Also remember that Asians are great with beat and rhythm because of their countless hours spent sitting at Piano practice staring at metronomes. Asians do love their DDR, and they did invent Guitar Hero. Add the fact that Asians have an extremely hard time dancing or singing (William Hung comes to mind). Last but not least, add a pinch of entrepreneurship, which derives the formula for Asian Techno Affinity.

ATA =

jk… but it’d be cool to have a formula =).

Even though there isn’t a clear cut formula, ATA is why Asians are nearly always behind the turntables at Dance Clubs. It’s why they can look at turntables and pick up how use them in about 5 minutes. (When they’re 7 years old.) It assures Asians that they can make money simply by buying abandoned dance clubs and giving them Asian names like ” The Lucky Dragon” and “Asia By Night.” It’s the perfect way for Asians to express their talents and make money doing so.

While not all Asians love Techno, a great majority do. Techno has opened the door to new opportunities, allowing asians to create new music and be in total control when doing so. Try doing that in communist countries. Check this out:

“There is a certain sense of detachment that occasionally comes with encountering new technologies, but techno reminds us that humans control the machines, and electronics can be used to express funk and soul. Techno is as much a philosophy as a genre. It’s about Postmodern sampling and pushing the boundaries of technology. Techno fills the space between humans and their computer monitors.”

In effect, Techno has also helped bridge a gap between Asians and their computers, bringing them one step closer to having robot wives and Nintendo DS children. Techno makes people look past the fact that Asians are vocally and kinesthetically un-inclined. It reinforces the facts that Asians are technologically and musically adept. Asians love the economic opportunities and can’t resist cheaper electronics like the newer electronic music production technology. Whatever the case, all these reasons and more comprise why Asians love Techno.

Young Asians in America come in many forms. Below are the major categories. Most Asians fit into multiple groups. For example, Rice-boys can also be Fobs and many Tabs are Fobulous. The only groups that are never part of another group are the Twinkies and the Asian-Americans. Claim your Fobbiness! When you see your Asian friend, greet them with “Wassup Fob!” And if your Asian friend says something ridiculous, say “Fob please!” Of course, when a non-Asian calls you a Fob, that is grounds for a fight. Ahahaha… The categories below are to be taken lightheartedly. Read, recognize and laugh.

Twinkie
- Besides your nationality, there is little to distinguish you from white people
- Your significant other is not Asian and never has been
- You have few Asian friends, if any
- You are embarrassed at family events because you cannot speak your language and everyone has to switch to English to communicate with you
- You have no idea that the other types of Asians on this list even exist
- You think Hello Kitty is dumb and do not know what Sanrio is
- You are the only Asian on this list that does not know what Bubble Tea is
- You drive a Ford or some other domestic car and if you drive a Honda, it is stock

Asian-American
- You claim yourself as Asian, but real Asians think you’re whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a foreigner. You fit in nowhere
- You have heard of Bubble Tea but have never actually had any
- You are confused about your cultural identity and express this frustration through spoken word performances at your college
- You read A. magazine and think it’s great
- You do not know who Edison, Jay Chou, Ayu, or G.O.D. are
- You are only vaguely aware of the other Asians below

Yap (Young Asian Professional)
- You are in one of these professions:
a) Medicine / Pharmaceutical
b) Engineering
c) Finance
d) Investment Banking
e) Accounting
- Most of your wardrobe was purchased at Banana Republic
- You go to “mixers” on Thursday nights to meet other Yaps and talk about the Dow Jones.
- You did exactly what your parents wanted you to do and as a result, your life is hella boring
- Your apartment/home is decorated almost exclusively with stuff from Pier 1
- Your parents always talk to their friends about how much money you make. If they don’t, then you’re a dissapointment

Fob (Fresh Off tha Boat)
- You were not born in America
- You know who Edison, Jay Chou, Ayu, or G.O.D. are. In fact, you have seen them at Atlantic City or Las Vegas recently
- You speak your native language fluently and so do all your friends
- You do not have any non-Asian friends
- Your parents do not speak any English
- When you speak English, you like to make everything plural
- You get extremely good grades in school
- You cannot dance
- Your fashion sense comes from whatever country you’re from and you incorporate nothing from American fashion into your wardrobe

SuperFob
- Your command of the English language is minimal and you don’t care
- You like dim sum chicken feet
- You do not own a single CD, VCD, Video game, or DVD that isn’t bootlegged
- Your only hangout is Chinatown
- All the lights in your house are fluorescent
- You dry your cloths outside your window
- You need a haircut
- You either smell like cigarettes or food

Fobabee
- You are an Asian-American or Twinkie who has recently “awoken”
- You have a newly found fetish of Asian girls/boys
- You have taken the Asian Studies course at college
- You are trying to learn as much as possible about your culture to make up for your lifetime of trying to be white (Twinkie ; Banana) or Black (Chigger ; Tea egg)
- If you are lucky, you will grow to become Fobulous

Gangsta Fob (Fobsta)
- You have shot another Asian
- Your favorite hangout is a pool hall
- When you talk, you sound like a cross between a Fob and an urban black kid
- Your hair looks silly, but no one will tell you because you’ll shoot them
- You have a serious gambling problem
- You are a Rice-boy, but your mods are cheap and are never painted to match the rest of your car
- No one tells you your rice ride looks cheap because you’ll shoot them
- You want to have a Tab girlfriend, but can only get Hoochie Tabs

Tab (Trendy Asian B*tch)
- You shop at A/X, Bebe and Club Monaco
- You only wear black and will occasionally wear white to “mix it up”
- You do not weigh more than 105 lbs
- You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in your life
- Platform heels are your favorite
- You are a makeup expert, in fact, you appear completely flawless
- You do not smile in public
- You are the object of desire of all Asian men and you know it
- You smoke
- Your cell phone is completely customized
- Somewhere in your purse is a Sanrio item
- You only date Asian and will only date a boy with a nice car
- You are often seen with Rice-boys
- You never travel alone. You are either in the company of other Tabs or your Rice-boy boyfriend

Hoochie Tab
- You are an import car model
- Your boobs are not real
- There are naked pictures of you floating around on the internet somewhere
- Clear heels are your favorite
- Your role models are Tila Nguyen and Kaila Yu
- Your boyfriend is a Gangsta Fob
- You cheat on your boyfriend
- Unlike most Asians, you do not do well in school

Rice-Boy
- You drive an Asian import. Usually a Honda or Acura
- Your souped up car (known as a Rice-ride or Rice-rocket) is unrecognizable from it’s original stock form
- Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit in
- The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by Boeing
- The interior of your car also looks like it was designed by Boeing
- You always drive like you are racing someone
- You are not afraid of dying in a crash, but you are afraid of speed bumps and parking lot on-ramps
- The only other person besides yourself who can sit in your car is your 105 lbs Tab girlfriend. If anyone else sits in your car, the entire bottom of it will be touching the ground
- Even though your car is a Honda, it goes faster and is worth more than a Lotus Esprit

Fobulous
- You speak perfect English and you are fluent in your native language
- You have Asian friends as well as non-Asian friends
- You listen to Asian pop as well as American music
- You are equally aware of both popular American culture and Asian pop culture
- You are a good dancer
- You date Asian by choice even though you could rock the opposite sex of any other race
- You are a good designer and have superior Html skills (for that fly MySpace / Xanga page)
- For you, FOB stands for Fabulous Oriental Being
- You have lots of Asian pride

So here’s the question: What Type of Asian are You?

You can find the original post here: http://www.mrgarylee.com/my-most-asian-post-ever/

Fact: Asian countries lack supermarkets, which are only now becoming available in the more developed asian countries.

Fact: In their natural element, Asians are extremely thrifty: Never spending even a cent too much for anything. All the while, they are expecting the best bang for their respective bucks.

Now, if you’ve ever been to a supermarket like Ralphs or Safeway, there are a few universal quirks:

1. The signs “Fresh, Freshest, Newest,” and in some cases– “Chock full of New Freshness!” plastered all around.
2. The freshest items like produce on the outer walls, and less time-sensitive items like soda and cookies in the middle. At Walmart, however, everything is reversed, as the freshest items are in the center of the supermarket. Their freshest items are the closest to the middle of the supermarkets as possible.

It’s all by design. Asians are naturally drawn to the freshest items. To preserve this, they have spent years developing good supermarket etiquette by noticing the little nuances. You may never hear from me again after learning these ancient asian secrets of supermarket survival, but I will put my life on the line to show you how Asians always have the freshest foods.

Supermarkets want to get rid of their oldest foods as soon as possible. To do this, they will store the freshest items further in, while enticing consumers to purchase the items furthest out. Asians always look for the freshest items. To do this, they use their proper supermarket etiquette and reach further than any non-asian person has reached before: Into the back of the refrigerator.

This takes us back to the first paragraph. That asian woman now has a reason for staring into the darkness that is the back of the refrigerator. (She was just getting the freshest milk.) She continues to the fruit aisle, where you see her stop once again and then pick up a watermelon. She taps it for hollowness puts it down. She smells an orange to check for ripeness. She can sense dirty vegetables a mile away. All these traits have been passed down for the generations. As a result, have been extremely important in perpetuation of an Asian’s affinity for Fresh Foods.