Telling other Asians about the beatings they received from their parents is something that nearly all first generation Asians can relate to. It is for that reason that I proudly present Agiel7′s user contribution today: Childhood Beating Stories.
While most white people would define child abuse as sending a child to their room or banning them from watching “House M.D.” for two weeks, the rather xenophobic older generation of asians is completely unfamiliar with such standards. So draconian are the methods of asian parents that it is conceivable that they aren’t afraid to murder their firstborn if they have to in order to make an example to the younger ones. After all, an Asian’s main source of nutrition typically doubles as an aphrodisiac (probably the reason China takes up roughly a sixth of the world’s population).
No matter how well an Asian does academically, there is always a mountain higher. For example, even though a majority of the population of Asian-Americans is musically proficient (certainly a valid point for why they’ve managed to snatch most of the engineering majors in almost all higher education institutions), the fear of being on the receiving end of harsh beatings is enough motivation to start learning that or concerto over and over again.
So let’s get to the point. Telling stories about the beatings they’ve received from their parents back-in-the-day is a past-time among more traditionally-raised asians, since often times even the entertainment derived from watching Larry, Moe, and Curly with chainsaws pales in comparison to the creative ways asian parents punish their children.
In fact, I seem to remember my grandmother finding a very interesting use for a fly-swatter. With the martial-arts prowess of the asian, almost anything can become a lethal weapon, from a roll of newspaper to a Hello-Kitty doll. If you are not asian and have not had the pleasure of hearing such yarns, do not be alarmed if an asian flinches if you have a feather-duster with a long, slender handle in your possession.
Note: While contacting child services is certainly a viable option in order to remove one’s self from said discipline, the threat of dishonoring the family and almost unimaginable retaliation from their parents should their plot fail is usually enough to discourage such endeavors.
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