Stuff Asian People Like

Look around you. Western culture is everywhere. Be it the Coca-Cola you’re sipping on, the Hollywood film on television, or the American president you wish would stop putting his foot in his mouth. (Gosh, how many ‘Great Moments in Presidential Speeches’ moments does Letterman have?).

Let’s face it, western culture is all-encompassing. For this reason, Asians tend to gravitate towards this culture like flies toward a fresh ball of dung. Is it a sign of rebellion against traditional Eastern values, or does it signify that Western culture is becoming prevalent all around the world? Whatever the case, Asians like the idea of Western Culture.

Or should I say… Asians love the West. However, like many other things, they do so in moderation (Perhaps it would be overkill having Westerners overpopulate and invade Asian countries, even though it’s very amusing for Asians in their native country to stare (#25) and point at Western visitors or expatriates in the same way that one would stare and point at a clown).

Paradoxically, Asians in their element see Westerners on television all the time; but seeing one in the flesh is something extraordinary. To some foreigners, it is even something to be cherished. To a very reverential group Western Groupie Asians, tourist groups are a chance to test their broken english. Frequently, Asians will attempt to use encounters with Westerners to try to brush up on their English because as generally intelligent creatures, they figure that to succeed in life, they must be well-rounded and articulate as possible.

Asians also see the English language, one of the byproducts of Western culture, as very imperative to success. Unfortunately, Asians have the false belief that all Westerners speak English, and are often oblivious to the existence and widespread use of other “Western languages” such as French, German and Spanish. Asians are pretty smart though, because they’ve already realized that English will probably make all other Western languages (mainly French) obsolete by the year 3000 (obscure Futurama reference), In other terms, they’re effectively jumping on the bandwagon.

In reality, there’s actually no need for Asians to exploit traveling Westerners for insight into the Western way of thinking. It’s in proximity to Asians all the time. What do I mean? The most obvious exposure Asians get to Western culture is in Hollywood films. However, Jet Li, Bruce Lee & Jackie Chan (#33 & #27) aren’t good enough. They’re don’t really epitomize Hollywood (if you know what I mean).

What Asians really need in order to immerse themselves in western culture is a good ol’ Governator film. For one, as soon as Arnie exclaims: “I’ll be back!”, Asians can take comfort in the fact that #20 (Bad Pronunciation) isn’t as big a deal as they once thought. Then there’s dubbing. If anything, it helps Asians delude themselves further into thinking all Westerners can actually speak Asian languages. (Yeah, in our dreams…)

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Yet, Asians still enjoy challenging themselves. Taking their love of Western culture one step further, some asians actually visit or even take the plunge and immigrate to a Western country. The conundrum is that many, many, many, many, many… many… (exasperated gasp)… many Asians take this plunge, almost to the extent that it has become a fad for Asians to study, work, or allow their children to grow up in a Western environment.

Other Westernized Asians are getting sick of this conformist behavior. “We were here before you guys! Try Canada or maybe New Zealand instead.” However, the benefits are numerous. In an actual Western country, an Asian will find Western pleasures to their heart’s content. From fast food to modern brand names, Shakespearean plays, or even white boys (for you Asian girls of course): Every Asian’s wildest western desire is accounted for in Western countries. Well, that’s logical, isn’t it?

Nevertheless, when all is said and done, the idea of Western culture is enough to keep Asians entertained. All those Nike products and greasy, oily hamburgers can only go so far (Asians can only deal with so much of their own products in western culture). But, when it comes down to conservative Asians, tradition (East) nearly always beats practicality (West). Wait a second… that shouldn’t make sense. Oh well…

Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to get me some McDonalds’ flied lice for lunch before I have my big juicy steak doused in soya sauce for dinner… Beat that for immersing one’s self in Asian… I mean Western culture. Wait, I’m confused now… again.

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