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#32 Speaking Loudly

Posted March 12th, 2008 by Peter · 20 Comments
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“My Mom always talks too loud on the cellphone when we are on the car!” -thaimychu

Loud SpeakersAt first glance, asians are very shy and docile. When you get to know an asian, they are still very reserved and well-composed. Dig deeper, however, and you will find that asians are very loud (contrary to common belief). Experiencing this takes an activating event to trigger the “other side” of the average asian person. This other side is rarely seen unless you spend a LOT of time with them. Asian people speak loudly mostly because of:

Adversity: For example, the average asian man or woman looks very peaceful in their natural habitat. It is adversity that causes them to evolve into creatures only mentioned in legends and books such as Beowulf. This includes getting cut off, early project deadlines at work, or even learning that their child got an A- on their “mast” test. This whole other personality is marked by rudeness, frankness, and most annoying, speaking loudly.

Asians speak loudly to show that they are stressed out: “Then how are they different from other people?” They have the ability to express it in many ways. An asian person might throw in curses from their own language to demonstrate how stressed out they are. They won’t stop there. They might even add curses from their friends’ languages and even start cursing in asian-sounding languages that they don’t even know! But you don’t know that.

scary

Asians do not only speak loudly when agitated. This is also seen when asians are speaking on their cellphones. When was the last time you saw an asian woman on her cellphone chewing out the person on the other line? The fact of the matter is that she was probably calling her son to ask if he wanted rice or rice for dinner (not a typo). Asians will never call frivolously due to fear of racking up coverage charges. The content of their phone calls is usually very important due to this, so they cannot be ignored. Asians love to be heard. They will not tolerate having any part of their conversations cut short.









In addition, older asians do not understand the “wireless” aspect of phones. They believe that even though cellphones are far away from their receiving stations, there is still an invisible cord that loses its fidelity the further they get away from home. Likewise, Asians will speak increasingly louder in order to reach their desired receivers. This is why asians will speak louder in public places. The walls and ceiling cause them to panic about having to call again (higher phone bills). They in turn raise their internal volume in order to be heard by the other person much like a baby deprived of attention calls for its mama.

When younger asian women are in public places, another problem arises:

According to Stuff White People Like, White people have an “Asian Fetish.” “Do you want to go out with me?” says a white man. “Heck no!” (But this will give away that the asian knows English). Why not start yelling in other asian languages to start a scene? That’s the case when an asian person attends a multicultural event that other asians are also attending. When other asians hear loud yelling in “Asian,” they raise their non-existent eyebrows and immediately offer their help in order to keep the status quo (National Treasure reference). This help comes in the form of, “Are you trying to take advantage of this foreign exchange student?” or “She’s with me.” Asians obviously have a great amount of response flexibility due to the obliviousness of the offenders. This tactic scares away the “predator” and allows the asian to enjoy the rest of their night.

Asians often masquerade as being shy (save for later topic) in their native countries. In the United States, where the shackles of communism are lifted, they are allowed to express their opinions and feelings in any way they choose. This rightfully includes speaking loudly when they are in trouble, when they are on their cell phones, when they are in awkward situations, or with their academically mal-performing children. For these reasons and more, forget the megaphones! Asians like Speaking Loudly.

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Tags: Activities · Comedy · Culture · Customs · Habits · People · Social · Tidbits

20 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Jon // Mar 12, 2008 at 10:11 pm

    This, and the “fact” that Asians never talk loudly to white people – only amongst themselves. In “fact”, Asians would never really talk to white people, only answer to. After all, Asians “like” to only hang out and make friends with other Asians; friends of other races is a concept too complicated for these beings.

  • 2 Grace Chu // Mar 12, 2008 at 11:11 pm

    BRAVO! BRAVO! AND JON, I SPEAK LOUDLY TO WHITE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME!!!

    whoops, sorry for all the yelling… :)

  • 3 YASPY Chick // Mar 13, 2008 at 4:07 am

    Baby boomers are the loudest, followed by the generation before them. YOUNGER PEOPLE ARE ONLY LOUD WHEN THEY’RE ON THEIR CELL PHONE.

  • 4 laura // Mar 30, 2008 at 7:31 pm

    “According to Stuff White People Like, White people have an ‘Asian Fetish.” ‘Do you want to go out with me?” says a white man. ‘Heck no!” (But this will give away that the asian knows English).”

    So true, if you ‘re americanize and want a white guy interested, act asian as long as you can.

  • 5 CoolDustin82 // Apr 19, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    Isn’t it funny how Asian men usually talk softly while Asian women sound like they’re talking to someone across a crowded room?

  • 6 Steve // May 13, 2008 at 9:53 pm

    My parents and relatives are freakin loud horns. Never mess with a Cantonese conversation! Just go into a dim sum place and you’ll see.

  • 7 angela // Jun 1, 2008 at 11:53 am

    lmao! my parents speak into their cellphones so loud! too true! if u go yum cha (dimsum) its alway soo loud in there which makes u have to talk even louder!

  • 8 Suchi // Sep 6, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    Lol its kinda sad that its true
    I do that sometimes without even noticing i m doing it
    its so embarrassing when my dad talks really loud on the phone or to me in public..

  • 9 DLN // Sep 12, 2008 at 2:44 pm

    lol I speak loudly on the cell phone, but only when i’m talking to my parents. If i didn’t, i’d have to constantly repeat myself. It’s like they don’t listen to a thing i say. I think it has to do with the BullSht asian hierarchy. Any thoughts, opinions, or feelings of a younger person is virtually unimportant.

  • 10 LL // Sep 18, 2008 at 11:11 pm

    thats SO true. They talk so loudly on the bus that non-asians look at them with stares.
    It gives us asians not born and raised in china such a bad name.

  • 11 #105 Talking at the Worst Times « Stuff Asian People Like - Asian Central // Jan 12, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    [...] and rowdy way to tell the world, “I’m gonna get me some Pho.” Looking back at Post 32 (Speaking Loudly), Asians speak loudly because it’s in their culture. They have to do it because a majority of [...]

  • 12 Crazy_Asian // Mar 16, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    XDD you should see my friends and i at school… we will be sitting next to each other and start out talking normally and by the end of the conversation, we are yelling our heads off at each other… and we are all ASIAN XDDDD being loud is fun… ^_^

  • 13 Ali // Jun 29, 2009 at 8:59 am

    I myself hate speaking loudly (although am a NYC asian american), and actually I really loathe it when other people scream at the top of their voice for no reason.

    However, yes, a lot of other asian people (for I am the exception >_<) do speak (ANNOYINGLY) loudly.

    ….What do you mean “quiet”? I’ve never really known a “quiet” asian person.

    I’m in an school full of asians… sometimes in the hallway you hear some girl yell (high pitched) at the top of her voice for no apparent reason…
    The hallways are really loud…

    Something funny: for some reason, my mom kept talking really loudly on the phone, because she kept thinking that she wouldn’t be heard since its long distance, so she ends up kind of shouting. We had to explain to her that there’s no need to shout. ;)

  • 14 Meghan // Jul 31, 2009 at 9:29 am

    Whenever my mom calls, she screams into the cell phone. I can hold it 10 inches from my ear and still hear her.

  • 15 DailyBento » Blog Archive » Stuff Asian People Like #32 – Speaking loudly // Mar 7, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    [...] here to read why Asians speak [...]

  • 16 Hair Straighteners // Sep 5, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    I love your website!

  • 17 komerican_chick94 // Aug 2, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    When I tell my mom to speak more quietly on the phone, she snaps at me and gets even louder -_-

  • 18 nonomato // Oct 18, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Yeah. My relatives talk and laugh loudly as well. Whenever we go over to my aunts’ places for a stay you can hear them yelling into the phone as if they’re mad!

  • 19 ilovehorseyrides // Jun 9, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    OMG my relatives speak to my little cousins in baby talk REAL loud and it’s extremely irritating!!!! >:(

  • 20 ilovehorseyrides // Sep 18, 2015 at 5:51 pm

    Whenever I seek peace and quiet in my room whenever my relatives and 4 and 6 year old cousins are at my house, I can still hear them talking real loud even with my doors closed and my music blasting!!!!!

    I wish I can install sound-proof/noise cancellation walls and door in my room.

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