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Stuff Asian People Like #30 – Cash.
Asian people love cash. I don’t mean they like “cash” as in, they like money in general. I mean that they like dealing only in paper money. Asians like paying for things in cash. Paying in cash is integral to many other things that Asians like. For example, bartering and bargaining. Asians can’t try to haggle with someone and expect to pay by debit! By carrying a variety of bill sizes, asians can pay for their bargains in exact change, eliminating the proverbial slap-in-the-face associated with talking the merchant down from $20 to $12 and only being able to pull out a $20 bill and then asking for change. After all, asians do want to come back to that particular store. Asian store owners grumble at having to pay a surcharge on credit card transactions, so they pass the savings on to other store owners by buying with cash.
Asians also like to give cash. From weddings to birthdays to holidays, Asians only give cash as gifts. Asians do this so that instead of buying a $20 gift for someone, they can give that person $20 and then go into a store and coax the owner into giving them a 2 for $20 deal. By giving cash instead of tangible gifts, the Asian person has doubled their cost-benefit. It also means the gift giver doesn’t have to waste time searching for a perfect gift. That time can be put to better uses, such as studying, karaoke or hand washing dishes. Plus, Asians are always late to a party. Can you imagine how much later they would be if they actually had to buy and wrap gifts? On gift wrapping: Asians find ridiculous the idea of buying paper to wrap something, only so that it can be torn up and thrown away. That’s probably why the Japanese invented Furoshiki. Giving cash eliminates the need for wrapping paper.
However, asians throw their beliefs out the window when Lunar New Year comes around. The inevitable desire to give cash manifests itself into giving ostentatious red envelopes to their immediate, distant, or even disconnected family. This means giving money to cousins, nephews, nieces, daughters, fathers, and even children of their adjacent white neighbors who do not know them at all. The red colored envelop is very easy to spot, and can be seen being passed by hand over 30 feet away. By giving the red envelop, the asian is showing everybody that they are indeed cash-givers. When they have exhausted their cash supply, Asians still love a nice warm gift from the heart.
But don’t try to give an Asian person a real gift. He or she will appreciate and cherish the gift, sure. But it will never get used. The sandwich maker or the 5-minute instant terrarium will be so treasured that it will remain in its box, yet still on display for future guests to admire. My mother was using some busted up pots and pans, some with broken handles, so last year I gave her some decent name-brand pots, making sure to tell her that I got them on discount at Marshall’s so she wouldn’t think that I spent excessive money. A year later, they still sit on her counter, shrinkwrap intact. The lesson: Asians love cash. Don’t try to convince them otherwise.
- Written By: everydayasian
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