1. Go on a shooting spree and start brutally killing couples.
As much as I know you may want to, violence and physical damage to others and their temporary significant others and ending lives prematurely, will not bode well with law enforcement, and most of all will not do anything but get you raeped in prison for life. That’s right, I spelled it “raeped”.

2. Wait until V-day morning to get your significant other a gift.
As much as I like to procrastinate…if you are a guy, then buy your girlfriend something right now for their birthday. It just makes sense to buy it now while its there and fresh, instead of buying it on the day, waiting in line for those lovely wilted flowers to be sold out. Get it NOW. Hide it if you must. And then on V-day, wake up early, cook some breakfast for her (I suggest muffins and fruit, for laziness’ sake) and then, give it to her when she wakes up. Much r-peen (relationship penis) can be obtained here.

3. Mope around, acting sad and emo because you’re lonely and a loser. I’m lonely, and you don’t see me complaining. And don’t you DARE look at my last posts about relationships, those don’t exist. Okay, they still do. But that’s not important. The last thing I do on Valentine’s day is complain about not having a TSO.

4. Buy roses, or bears.
These gifts are so stereotypical canon of V-day, its pathetic. Know what I’d buy for a girl if it was a stuffed animal? A lion, because I’m a Leo, and lions are cooler than bears. I don’t suggest buying roses for V-day either, because they will not only be sold out fast, but also, because of their life span, they may Signify the longevity of your relationship with the girl: Dead in 2 days.

5. Troll for ass on V-day.
I most recently heard of this from a friend. She told me that this one guy hit on her on V-day, and asked her out on a date. She already had a boyfriend. Please guys, don’t get so desparate that you end up doing this. If you are, then just stay at home, watch your disturbing porn, and go to sleep.

6. Go anywhere on V-day, without planning or reservations.
From a perspective point of working at a fancy restaurant (which is where you WANT to take your date on V-day) You NEED reservations to make this work. A week in advance is always the best for planning this. (If you don’t want to plan it out, then refer to #2) Also, When you go inside the restaurant on that day, tell the host/floor manager that you want a great seat, and slip them a $5-10 bill. Trust me, you will get one.

7. Pretend that you got her a gift when you didn’t.
Don’t lie. Just say you forgot, go to the store, get whatever you’re going to get, because chocolate, bears, and roses are all sold out by now, remember?

8. Break up with someone. Wait it out 24 hours, geez.
This is self explanatory. I’m pretty sure that you not talking to them or getting them a gift will make them pick up the hint.

9. Get Fast food with your date.
I also during one V-day worked at Taco Bell. I volunteered, because I thought it would be an slow day of work, after all, no LOSER would EVER take their chick to Taco Bell for V-day, right? WRONG. It was slow at first, but there came in couples, some even dressed up, eating at TACO BELL FOR VALENTINE’S DAY. >:( I was infuriated, to say the least. It wasn’t horribly busy, but it was still enough to annoy me.

10. Assume that since it’s V-day, you’re going to get laid…
…Because you might not. You might in actuality, be paying for all that stuff to not get lucky. And you know what I mean by lucky. I’m talking about SEX. Just because you do all these “special things” for her that just about every other man is doing in the world right now, doesn’t mean you will get rewarded. That sucks to think about, doesn’t it? This is because some girls believe that romance between couples shouldn’t be celebrated on one day, but every day.