Let’s face it. There are a lot of Asians in the world. “Can’t we just nuke them all?” you’re probably are asking.

No.

You have to accept the Asianness into your heart. So start making ramen noodles and put some pants on, because this post is going to be classy.

This picture had it all. Random office space, weird-ass fad, girl with vague smile.

I’m gonna sound really old for saying this, but what I love about this generation is that a lot of them don’t see race. You see, America is like a giant quilt, made of people of all kinds. White people, black people, more white people, Hispanics, Indians, more white people, Native Americans, white people and Asians. But wow, there sure are a lot of white people. But what are ‘white people’? Most people say European, but this has two obvious flaws. The first is that in the Mediterranean area, most people are dark, tall and occasionally, mysterious. The second flaw is that I looked a map one time and I noticed that Asia and Europe are connected by land. So technically, Europe is a part of Asia.

Now, look at a lot of Asian-Americans who are from Japan, Korea and Northern China. Their skin is very, very light, which technically makes Asians white people, unless they go to South Africa, who decided that all Asians are black people by law.

Despite all our similarities, having a single fold of eyelid and a slightly flatter nose changes everything. People assume you know karate, own a Laundromat and can solve Rubik’s Cubes really well. Younger people usually don’t care, though. It’s “all good”. But all the totally square old people gotta drag up some major jive turkey about race because in reality, they were forced to grow up in the 70s and now they’re bitter.

So why can’t a Korean girl bring a Japanese guy home to mom and dad? Because they’re still mad about the Japanese Empire, which has been gone for 60 years already. Get over it. Sure, a lot of people were killed, but being bitter about it towards the current incarnation of Japanese culture isn’t going to bring of those dead people back, who are all probably happier in heaven anyway.

You know why all dogs go to heaven? What do you think all those Koreans eat up there?

I didn’t just say that.

I guess the moral to this post is to not listen to your parents. And don’t listen to stereotypes in the media, which, by the way, is being run by the Irish. They will confuse you and cause you to write an elaborate post about why you’ll date a Chinese girl but not a Korean. Then, somewhere, a confused and scared reader will show it to their teacher. That teacher, in turn, will get super-pissed, then start yelling at one of his students. That student will become very scared, and will immediately react by biting the person closest to him. Then a butterfly will flap it’s wings and cause a hurricane. President Bush will hide in under his desk and FEMA will accidentally send all it’s supplies to Idaho.

Nobody wants to see that.

Disappointingly, being Asian is kind of like being any other person. Sure, the experience includes a lot more noodles, dumplings, weird parents who can’t drive, and karate but basically, it’s… “the same”. I hope you can understand that and respect that, other races.

You wanna know the ancient Chinese secret for getting laundry so clean? Well, I’d tell you, but I’d have to Shuriken you.

How do you feel about child obesity?
Wait. why is that the discussion question!?

Guest post by: AvenueToTheReal